Remember this next time you receive an email or other document which offends you.  Simply summon the footman and have him file it appropriately.  And be sure to protect yourself from further contamination by the deft use of a pair of tongs.

I looked long and hard to find a suitably aristocratic pair and was charmed by this ram’s head design by the artisan-blacksmith Roy Abbott.

‘… he rang for the footman; delivered the document to him at the end of a pair of tongs; bade him drop it in the filthiest heart of the foulest midden on the estate.’

 

Source: Virginia Woolf, Orlando: A Biography, ed. with an introduction by Rachel Bowlby (Oxford: World’s Classics, 1992), p. 92

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